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Trotti, John

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Tuesday, January 10, 2012 4:08 PM

Are Manners Worth the Effort?

By: Trotti, John Comments

Why am I bringing the subject up, you might ask, and what does this have to do with your operation? The answer to both has to do with my recent visit to a local branch of a state government department—no, I’m not going to say which, other than to suggest that it was one in which I had to go through several layers of staff to get permission to do something that affects no one but my own comfort—during which time I began to wonder just what level of Hell I had wandered into.

From the first encounter, I was serially subjected to an attitude and accompanying behaviors that, had they occurred under my roof, would have led to a counseling session and loss of privileges worthy of the situation. “So what,” you ask. “Were you able to complete your task?” Yes. “Can you cite an instance of actual interference?” No. “Was there anything about the entire episode that was actionable?” No again. Yet, when I left, clutching my duly stamped and authenticated $250 piece of paper, I had no sense of accomplishment. Instead, I felt I had emerged from a romper room in which childish behaviors were not just endured, but encouraged.

As I’ve reviewed the experience in the days since, the subject of manners—or rather in this case the lack of—has captured my imagination. In its own mysterious way, this has caused me to review my thoughts on what they are and why they’re important…particularly in settings of power where arrogance finds easy purchase.

For nearly all my life I have looked at manners as having to do with my actions as they affect others…sort of a “make nice” effort to keep things mellow. But in response to my recent encounters, I’ve come to believe less that they’re about “you and me” and the more about how they’re actually about “me and me.” Yes, there is the social lubricant aspect, but I think that underlying this is a deeper appreciation of ourselves and the tenuous distinction between what it is to be master and servant.

There was a time when the term “civil servant” was applied to all who occupied public positions, but I’m not sure how well that sense of obligation fits today’s public sector environment. Given the pervasiveness of arrogance I felt my recent experience, I suspect that it reflects the character of the person in charge, or if not, then his or her neglect.

In an era of tight budgets and increasing—and not necessarily popular—regulatory controls, manners in our public and private lives deserves more attention than ever, and it’s up to those in authority to set the standards and correct deficiencies.

Do you see this as a subject befitting this column, or am I out of my tree? Either way I’d like your thoughts both on the subject and how you deal with manners in your operation.

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What Do You Think?

 

Jeff

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

It never ceases to amaze me at the arrogance and rudeness of our government workers. Manners are what keeps us under control and civil to one another. Without manners where would we be? As I look around manners are disappearing rapidly. I can’t count the times I go to the Mall or the grocery store and have two or more people clogging up the isle and when I approach to get through nobody has the courtesy to scoot over just a little. Where is the caring for our fellow man? There is no empathy anymore. We have raised a generation of narcissistic individuals. Look at the example that is set by our government officials whether elected or appointed. Anyway good article and thanks for being brave enough to print it.

John

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Amen!
I don't think it is as near as pervasive as you indicate but there are people who genuinely seem the think you are putting them out by asking them to simply do their job. What do they think they are being paid to do? A little courtesy while getting the work done goes a long way.

In their defense, however, it might help to keep in mind that tight budgets have reduced staffing and increased the workload on many civil servants. They might be feeling stress from the increased demands and reduced appreciation they receive.

When teachers face larger class sizes AND reduced pay & benefits it is easy to feel unappreciated and degraded. Especially when they get blamed for every ill in society when the parents and students are to blame for most poor performances.

I'm using teaching as an example since my wife is a wonderful & dedicated teacher who experiences these stresses regularly but the same could apply to other civil servants.
Just look at the employment numbers being reported and you'll see government jobs are being cut left & right across the country in all departments.

It can be difficult to act professionally when your contributions are under-appreciated, especially by the powers that be!

Marianne

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Hello, Re Manners.

I rely on my intuition to determine if I am dealing with a good person or trash person. Attachments like clothing, vocabulary, etc., do not matter to me. If they are a good person, I am kind and well mannered. If they are a trash person, regardless of how well-dressed they are, I am very reserved and cold.

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